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Lisa Vee by ~Mnesimache:iconMnesimache:

Categories Literature > Prose > Fiction > Perspectives




Fat square head ugly cheeks lank blonde hair turning brunette. Awful beaked nose lends an air of predatory asymmetricality. Chin that juts out heavy makeup suffocating lazy eyes. Sloping shoulders bulging stomach sagging bosom ripple judder shudder stutter. Swollen fingers pink choked in silver. Clothes strain to cover colossal bulk stretch marks tear through excess flesh. The actinic taint of nicotine clinging like a callous lover.
©2007-2009 ~Mnesimache
:iconmnesimache:

Author's Comments

Hrm. A character sketch, I guess. I've been reading Joyce's Ulysses and From a Riverbank by ~Sprawwl

Daily Deviation

Given 2008-03-25

*Mnesimache's gallery is full of poetic story snippets, one-glance-moments in the lives of a variety of confused and passionate characters. Lisa Vee exemplifies his sharp, snappy style -- and the brilliance in his characterizations, done so completely and convincingly in a mere paragraph. (Suggested by =Negated and Featured by `lovetodeviate)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconnegated:
=Negated Nov 23, 2007, 7:36:40 AM
The actinic taint of nicotine clings like a callous lover.

|
v

The actinic taint of nicotine clinging like a callous lover.

(for tense consistency)


This is brilliant.

--
| MIMESIS |
:iconmichaelcrichlow:
*MichaelCrichlow Nov 23, 2007, 8:15:48 AM
I love the word-play in this a lot. Ha! :)

--
Let no one rob you of that powerful motivational force known as vision...seeing not only what is...but what can be.
:icondolphinryder:
Mood: Wow! =Dolphinryder Nov 23, 2007, 8:42:06 AM
Excellent descriptive prose.

--
~Jessica


A single drop of water raises the sea, causing ripples across the world.
:iconmnesimache:
~Mnesimache Nov 23, 2007, 9:48:24 AM
Thanks for the comment. I didn't think people would like this, actually. It's verbal diarrhoea in a sense. I think it's something I might revisit and tighten up, though.
:iconmnesimache:
~Mnesimache Nov 23, 2007, 9:49:40 AM
It's something I'm ambivalent towards. It sits along my other pieces, Notes from the Supermarket Canteen and 7:50 to Leicester - though I think they did it better. I guess what I was trying to convey in this was a sense of disgust. I think I might revisit this and re-work it at a later date.
:iconmnesimache:
~Mnesimache Nov 23, 2007, 9:53:17 AM
Brilliant? High praise from you dear (In that I actually value your opinions on these things). I'm unsure about it, especially because it's a little gramatically heterodox for me. I'm still fiddling with it. I think my aim was really to try to convey an air of disgust. I think that works, but I might re-work the actual shape of this piece. The thought struck me that in a sense it's quite... poetic? I don't know.
:iconironhenry:
*ironhenry Nov 23, 2007, 11:37:57 AM
I'd like to see you tackle the same character from the point of view of one who loves her completely, instead of this disgust.

--
~ Ben :frog:
:iconmnesimache:
~Mnesimache Nov 23, 2007, 12:09:19 PM
That'd be interesting indeed. Dunno if I could do it at the moment, though. She's based on a real person who... causes a lot of problems. I dunno. It's certainly an interesting idea, though.
:iconironhenry:
*ironhenry Nov 23, 2007, 1:07:02 PM
I think it is really interesting in a a large piece to see how different characters perceive a single person, making that character truly three-dimensional and telling a lot about the observers at the same time.

--
~ Ben :frog:
:iconinternetakatsuki:
~InternetAkatsuki Nov 23, 2007, 6:04:31 PM
Tsubasa: Quite a colorful description. I haven't seen anything like this in a while.

--
"Never Live without regrets, because everytime you regret something, you learn from it. Theirfore to not regret is to not learn."
-InternetAkatsuki (Tsubasa)
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